Kemp’s Creative Happiness Blog

Image by lacie babenco

There is no way you can make difficult people change and suddenly become sweet and amenable. Such change can only take place when the individuals concerned desire it and work towards it. As you can’t change them, the only thing to do is to change your own reaction to them.

Think before you react. There is a world difference between flying into a screaming rage and telling the other person (in a calm, controlled manner) ‘I feel angry about that.’ The latter is the assertive way and is far more effective as your listener is more likely to take notice. If you scream and shout, he will simply scream back and in the end neither of you will take any notice of what the other is saying.

THE CHATTERBOX

He will come up to his colleagues and, without pausing to discover whether or not they are busy, will hurl himself into his latest monologue. Individuals like this are not unkind or malicious but simply so concerned with what they want at any precise moment that they are oblivious to the feelings of those around them, others are hesitant to be rude or unpleasant to them.

Try this:

Tell him you have something to say to him and make an appointment to do so.

Make him feel kind towards you by saying you are worried about his possible reaction.

Tell him clearly what it is that he does that irks others, but reassure him that you don’t think he realizes what his behaviour is like or the problem it causes.

Offer to help until he has broken the habit.

THE ONE THAT PUTS EVERYONE DOWN

This is one of those people who, whatever the situation, manages to make you feel negative and miserable. Conversations may begin innocently enough but always end with her putting you down.

Try this:

Don’t react submissively; don’t apologize or agree.

Don’t snap back at her.

Ask an assertive question.

If she blusters, she can be ignored – her criticisms do not matter.

THE BULLDOZER

A bulldozer is noisy, forceful and ready to mow down anything in his way. A typical example of one of the most aggressive personality types, he is likely to shout, point his finger, wave his fist or thump the table. He is extremely disruptive in a work situation and terrible in relationships, as his need to rule and conquer overcomes any consideration for the feelings of others.

Try this:

Stand up to him but don’t get into a fight – you won’t win.

Tell him you disagree but ask him to explain his views further.

If he interrupts you, stop him and tell him so.

Don’t sound angry or weak.

Maintain eye contact on the same level.

THE BACK STABBER

A back stabber is aggressive – but surreptitiously so. Her method of attack is to go behind other people’s backs and sow seeds of discontent – always making sure that this gets back to them. Or she will say something offensive in a pseudo-humorous way so that, if offence is taken, her victim will appear to be a bad sport who cannot take a joke.

Try this:

Get her alone so she cannot play to an audience.

Look her in the eye and ask her if she meant to be hurtful.

If you hear something from a third part, persuade that person to tell you just what was said.

Go back to her; ask her if she really said it and whether she intended to be hurtful.

Suggest that she voices any criticisms directly to you in future.

Source: ‘How to deal with difficult people’ by Ursula Markham

Read also:

DID YOU EVER HAVE A JOB AS A BATTERY CHICKEN?

THE 7 BEST MOTIVATION TIPS FOR THE JOB

HOW TO SUCCESSFULLY LISTEN TO CRITICISM

5 TIPS ON HOW TO GIVE CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK

Back HOME
Technorati Tags: work, colleagues, difficult people, positive psychology