Image by lemon drop
Ask questions
People can feel unable to offload, especially after a crisis, but there are practical techniques that can help. Take the initiative to instigate conversations in a quiet place with minimal distractions. Try to ask open ended questions, which require more than a yes/no response. It is natural to want to fill silences, but they are important times of reflection.
Don’t assume
Resist the urge to say “I know how you feel”. We never know how another feels, only how we might feel in a similar situation. Your own experiences may seem relevant or useful, but will block the other person’s attempts to communicate. If you feel they need prompting, encourage them instead to expand on their feelings.
All about you?
It can feel powerful to be specially selected to sort out problems or hear secrets, and it’s easy to get caught up in someone else’s dilemma. Think carefully about your personal motives for wanting your friend to talk. Realise that this may not be about your advice, but more about being a genuinely sympathetic listener.
Be cautious
People can feel exposed and fragile once they have let another see their vulnerable side, so exercise caution as a listener. Never say anything that could later be reflected as judgmental. Make it clear that your support is always available – and if this isn’t the right time for confidences, then be prepared to step back without feeling rejected.
Source: Psychologies UK (Christina Fraser)
Read also:
TEN WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
HOW TO SUCCESSFULLY LISTEN TO CRITICISM
INVITED TO A PARTY? BE YOURSELF AND ENJOY THE FUN
Back HOME
Technorati Tags: communication, interpersonal skills, positive psychology, creative happiness
June 3, 2009 at 7:58 am
This is a great article. I find a lot of people do talk far too much about themselves when trying to counsel others, which often isn’t a good strategy. Yes, being non-judgemental is really important.